I am E. Davis

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New Baby Syndrome

When it comes to mentoring, it is easy for me to give the advice and tell some what to do and how do it, but when it comes to me taking in that advice, I tend to not want to take heed in the counsel because of issues that I have yet to get pass. I know what it stems from. It comes from childhood drama, that I have yet to get over. There is so many childhood issues that I am not over that I have carried in to my adult life, why? Maybe because my family still hasn’t heard my issue. They head me literally but have yet to hear me. I am the oldest child. I take my place as the oldest very seriously. My brother, although he is much taller than me, with a full grown beard, will always be my baby brother or my little brother. One day, at least two years after my father remarried while he was living in Atlanta. ¬†Considering my mother had passed a few years prior, I was happy that my father had found love again. So one spring evening, during one of his annual visits home, I met my stepmother when my father brought her home to Pittsburgh to me not just me, but my daughter, and other family members. She is a sweet woman. After our introduction, she asked how old I was, at the time I just turned 32. She told me that she has a daughter my age. For a split second, I excited to meet my new step sister, and hope to build a sister-like relationship with her. I have heard numerous of stories how step sisters, became more than just step sisters; they became sisters and friends. ¬†When my stepmother told me that she was my age, I thought that was something just as intriguing, because for a moment, I was excited to having a new friend. I asked when her birthday was, and my stepmother told me that she was born in January. Immediately, I lost interest in my stepmother and my new step family. For two seconds, one…, two…, I was fuming with jealous anger. I looked at my father, angry that he was down in Atlanta with this woman, who has a daughter older than me and he is being her father! “I am the oldest!” I wanted to scream. My step sister was not there, so I did not physically meet her, but I wanted to scream. “You can not be with my father being his oldest, when I am the oldest!” I found out that my step mother’s youngest son is younger than my brother. I wanted to scream again. My brother keeps his youngest position in this new family and I have to step aside. Those were the longest two seconds in my life. Those were the most chaotic thoughts I had in those two seconds. Why did I care. My step sister’s relationship with my father was not going to overshadow my relationship with my father. I blamed my two second tantrum on my Aries nature, considering when I met my step mother, we were still in Aries season. I thought that maybe I was not ready to embrace my new family, but I can honestly say that I was happy that my father remarried. It was the new baby syndrome. When my parents brought my little brother home from the hospital I was not ready to embrace the new baby. At five years old, I was not ready nor did I understand the concept of the new baby. My father sat me down and explained to me that I am his big sister and my little brother is going to need me. So I am the big sister, and that was term that stuck with me, so now (well then) that my father remarried, I was no longer the oldest sister. Fortunately, I have moved on from felling replaced as the oldest. Now, that I remarried, and my new husband is encouraging me to think about having children, my one and only child is telling me: “No, because I am your baby,” I laugh and think about those two seconds; and tell her, “No matter what happens, a new baby or no new baby, you will always hold that place in my heart,” Just like I will always be my father’s oldest.

~Love E.