I Just Got Hit With A Bullet

Sooooo, ( I say that the way I spelled it), I saw a co-worker/friend of mine making some kind of boxes in a journal. I asked her what she was doing, and she said that she is organizing her bullet journal. “What is a bullet journal?” she showed me her book with bullets in it, with a self-made calendar, plans, and agendas. I was beyond shocked, beyond impressed, and beyond wanting to get one for my self. As I went through the pages of her journal, I asked her the series of questions; “Where do you get these, how much did this cost you,” and then there was, “Oooh, how cool are those pens?!”

Immediately on my break, I called my husband and told him: “I need to have a bullet journal. Think of the creative ways I can brainstorm! Especially with ‘that story’.” a particular book that I have been struggling with for the past ten years. I heard the, “Uh-huhs,”, and the “I see,” which lead to an “Okay,” I was excited. I was getting my bullet journal.

One would think that my husband was buying me a car or diamonds, but I was beyond excited. I told my friend and she laughed at my excitement. Then I googled bullet journal and I looked at YouTubes at the tutorials. The creativity and the pretty penmanship was beyond inspiring. The next morning, while on my way to work, I looked for bullet journal ideas for writers and was introduced to Namo Wrimo, National Month for Writers. Every November from November 1-30, writers have to write a book 50,000, words; a contest. I googled the concept and was more intrigued.

The following Friday, I got my bullet journal and Saturday morning, I Youtubed, how writers organize their bullet journal. It was the most interesting things I saw, from character development, creating titles and plots. It was like I have been initiated into a club. However, I did let my OCD, get the best of me, my bullet journal was not as pretty as the ones that I saw on Youtube or on Instagram, but what I did realize that what the writers’ Youtube pages that I saw, their creative formate is something that I have been doing as a writer for years. I always wrote in a notebook first, then type my book. I like to stick to a certain color theme. For example, if I write in a blue pen, I may like to keep my files and notes in a blue folder. I usually don’t write in a green, purple or some kind of fancy colored pen, black or blue. When I see or hear certain names, I write them down, thinking how and when can I use them as characters in my work.

So after coming from behind the fog of “bullet journaling”, I what I do. So I wrote my characters and plot ideas.  I took bullet journaling as my journaling. I was shot by a bullet and I love it.

 

~E

 

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New Baby Syndrome

When it comes to mentoring, it is easy for me to give the advice and tell some what to do and how do it, but when it comes to me taking in that advice, I tend to not want to take heed in the counsel because of issues that I have yet to get pass. I know what it stems from. It comes from childhood drama, that I have yet to get over. There is so many childhood issues that I am not over that I have carried in to my adult life, why? Maybe because my family still hasn’t heard my issue. They head me literally but have yet to hear me. I am the oldest child. I take my place as the oldest very seriously. My brother, although he is much taller than me, with a full grown beard, will always be my baby brother or my little brother. One day, at least two years after my father remarried while he was living in Atlanta.  Considering my mother had passed a few years prior, I was happy that my father had found love again. So one spring evening, during one of his annual visits home, I met my stepmother when my father brought her home to Pittsburgh to me not just me, but my daughter, and other family members. She is a sweet woman. After our introduction, she asked how old I was, at the time I just turned 32. She told me that she has a daughter my age. For a split second, I excited to meet my new step sister, and hope to build a sister-like relationship with her. I have heard numerous of stories how step sisters, became more than just step sisters; they became sisters and friends.  When my stepmother told me that she was my age, I thought that was something just as intriguing, because for a moment, I was excited to having a new friend. I asked when her birthday was, and my stepmother told me that she was born in January. Immediately, I lost interest in my stepmother and my new step family. For two seconds, one…, two…, I was fuming with jealous anger. I looked at my father, angry that he was down in Atlanta with this woman, who has a daughter older than me and he is being her father! “I am the oldest!” I wanted to scream. My step sister was not there, so I did not physically meet her, but I wanted to scream. “You can not be with my father being his oldest, when I am the oldest!” I found out that my step mother’s youngest son is younger than my brother. I wanted to scream again. My brother keeps his youngest position in this new family and I have to step aside. Those were the longest two seconds in my life. Those were the most chaotic thoughts I had in those two seconds. Why did I care. My step sister’s relationship with my father was not going to overshadow my relationship with my father. I blamed my two second tantrum on my Aries nature, considering when I met my step mother, we were still in Aries season. I thought that maybe I was not ready to embrace my new family, but I can honestly say that I was happy that my father remarried. It was the new baby syndrome. When my parents brought my little brother home from the hospital I was not ready to embrace the new baby. At five years old, I was not ready nor did I understand the concept of the new baby. My father sat me down and explained to me that I am his big sister and my little brother is going to need me. So I am the big sister, and that was term that stuck with me, so now (well then) that my father remarried, I was no longer the oldest sister. Fortunately, I have moved on from felling replaced as the oldest. Now, that I remarried, and my new husband is encouraging me to think about having children, my one and only child is telling me: “No, because I am your baby,” I laugh and think about those two seconds; and tell her, “No matter what happens, a new baby or no new baby, you will always hold that place in my heart,” Just like I will always be my father’s oldest.

~Love E.

 

 

Don’t Get Caught in the Flames

Flaming Blue: River Daniels, once free spirited and carefree enjoyed life and lived for fun. However changed of events has caused her to do a complete turn around. She now lives the life as a very structured and much disciplined college professor teaching at two colleges. She is also a best selling author. These changes has allowed her to be very, very successful. As a matter fact, she is so successful that she is the sole investor in her uncle’s Reuben’s million dollar night club.  But when Reuben hires Dana Wilson, an old friend of River’s, to build that night club life begins to shake; shaking River’s structured and discipline life. This blast from the past forces River to literally be face to face with unresolved issues to just from Dana, but from the past itself.  Will this reunion force River to deal with those unresolved issues, or will she get caught in the flames?

Unlike the inspirations the led me to write A Period of Time,  Flaming Blue is a book that I wrote blindly. I had no idea to where this story was taking me. What I do know is that as a writer River needed to break and be built again.  Flaming Blue deals with depression. A lot of people don’t know that they’re depressed. We can be thrown curve balls in life that knocks us down, and just because we get up and keep moving living our lives like normal people, we may not realize that those curve balls and those knock down, may have left permanent damage forcing us to be in a state of depression. The depression state that River is in forced a wall to be build around her, until life and more curve balls forces us to break and sometimes get burned.

Writing Flaming Blue some what therapeutic. As a writer, I did draw on some of my own life experiences.  Understanding the forces that created River’s wall, I understood the forces that created my wall and as I wrote this book, I decided that I don’t want to be caught in the flames

 

 

 

Do You Believe in Fairy Tales?

A Period of Time  is a fairy tale. I didn’t realize that fact until after I wrote the book. My guidance counselor told me it was a book about certain kind of people in a certain type of place. We all know that Cinderella gets the Prince and Snow White gets kissed by the Prince and Frog turned back into the prince. However what happens after the fact….life.  Emerald and Richard had to deal with some unexpected issues…, death, intimacy, aging, and beautiful coworkers. How would you handle thesr situations?